I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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