he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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