She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
