Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
