i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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