good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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