I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
