Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
