census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
