Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
