Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
