Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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