I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
