whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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