I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
