That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
