it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
