I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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