I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
