I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
