I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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