Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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