I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
