she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
