Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
