I puked a lego.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
