That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
