Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
