Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
