He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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