This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
