His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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