my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
is it fun? or sober?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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