Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
50% drunk capacity currently
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
