I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
