There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
