I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
