that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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