i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
