i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
