i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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