two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
