all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I am one with the molecules
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
