i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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