Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
