This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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