I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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