Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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