i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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