i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
