Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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